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What emotions are driving your divorce decisions?

Every stage of life means having to make decisions. When you are in your late teens, a big decision could center on which college to attend. If you are going through a divorce, though, it could be that you do not even realize the decisions you are making. This is, in part, because you have so much to think about. A "decision" sounds like something you thought through and analyzed.

Divorce, however, can be an emotional time. For example, your spouse may be determined to keep the house, the car, the kids--everything--without even consciously realizing he or she has decided to do so. Similarly, you may be feeling so upset, angry or guilty that these emotions wreck the quality of your decision-making.

Think of the divorce as a business

You might be going through the most challenging and emotional time of your life. Thus, it is even more important not to make decisions you might regret later. One way to gain some measure of objectivity is to think of the divorce as a business. It also helps to seek out advice from third-party counsel such as an attorney.

Take a breather

Also, you may need to slow the process down a bit. Perhaps you are in a hurry to get rid of your spouse, but waiting a month or two to discuss property division or other issues could lend you excellent clarity that helps you better protect yourself in meditation or court.

For example, suppose you are angry at your spouse for having an affair and are asking for the house and full custody of the children. Your spouse feels so guilty that he or she is ready to let you have everything you want. However, assuming your spouse is an excellent parent and the children love him or her, is full custody in everyone's best interest? Time might help you better answer that question.

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